It was sweet, It is bitter

I wish I can be as honest as my friend's sister who could write her love story with a married guy, but I can't.

I realize I have few friends who accidentally knew my personal blog and sometimes read my posts, means I have to be careful if I don't want them to know the exact story. The thing is sometimes people start to guessing then end up with a wrong conclusion, which is sucks.

This post should be about a guy and me but somehow it now become a guy, me, and a girl.

I've been praying for this guy since the end of 2009, I was planning to do this for 2 years. At first it seemed an easy task, just praying once, twice or hundreds in a day, I didn't think about the consequences before (the length time of praying etc).

Well, sometimes I skipped my praying-for-him time, actually there were no special time just used to do it before going to bed. Things went rough, beside we never been having a good relation plus communication, I also easily get bored and having any other, let's say, heart factors.. (hope you understand what i'm saying)

Things became more complicated the day I felt something went wrong, something wasn't right, myself, him, and her. Err.. What to say, I realize that she (might be) fell in love with him.

She never said it straight to me but I am a woman, I do have intuition (though I'm quite realistic and logical). That's what I use as a the-only tool. Never in life I expect that will happen, I was quite shock, disappointed, but then quickly learn to take control back again. The reason why I became shocked and disappointed was she knew that I was praying for this man. Please, don't think that I reacted too much. You will understand how torn it was if you experience the same thing. Time really flew so fast, I have enough time to reflect, think, and put the pieces back again. Wasn't easy but I think I was and still able to, what to say, build a bridge and walk over the river :)

I've made up my mind! I will SLOWLY walk without disturbing both of them.

I got a phone call from an old friend tonite. We haven't spoke like 3 months or more since we got tied up to our stuffs. We had a decent conversation til' it moved to love topic. I used to tell him about my love stories, and he did likewise. So, it was his turn to hear about mine, I was unprepared but had to tell. When I finished telling him, he laughed, which wasn't a surprise coz I will do the same thing if I were him. He told me about his opinions, telling me what to do, this, that. To be honest, I was glad if he put himself as my besties. He's always care and never absent to show his love as a brother. BUT, unluckily, our conversation just brought back all the memories, all the hurt, all the feelings, which I wanted to forget. I think I was about to cry. Then I told him to stop. I just wanna stop and change the topic. He understood then began to talk bout another topic.

I was confused coz of my responses, but then I understand that it's not that easy to cope up and start to walk again after.

I am all good. Now I know how it is to say, Bitter Sweet. We're very acquinted now :)

There's always will a goodbye in every hi. So, guess, this will be a proper media to say..

Though I've failed to finish what I've promised God, I believe in His paths, there are no coincidences. There's always good reason behind every moment. He, our Creator, will do anything and can do everything, perfectly in His time. Goodbye, two years guy. I'm going to fly..